oh free and curious time

Slowly stumbling through my days 
I wonder just how much time I'll spend
Doing these things
that don't really fill me up
don't really satisfy me
don't really tempt my curiosity who so often begs to be tempted
All that time, doing these things that fail to set my heart to song 
And yet all the while, it's these things to me that seem, also, necessary 
necessary evils 
Evils that lay in the existence of all that is the most human of conditions 
What names we may call it by
job, work, security 
No matter, my mind tells me necessary 
And yet my heart
Caught endlessly between wanting all of my attention 
to be free 
Free to wander and drift and stray 
where ever I want 
No matter the time of day, or what day of the day of the week
And yet still
I'm caught
Caught between knowing that that precious time I crave
the time I carefully call free
Is likewise a state for my mind
a way of seeing and feeling and being
That might actually be some part
a crucial part
To that perception of freeness 
And yet still
I'm caught 
Doing these things
that don't really fill me up 
Using the thing I know I'll never get back
That precious, delicate, quiet reminder 
Life caught by the un-knowing-ness of time 
Haphazardly aching to answer 
Which way and by how much 
do I spend it?