Slowly stumbling through my days
I wonder just how much time I'll spend
Doing these things
that don't really fill me up
don't really satisfy me
don't really tempt my curiosity who so often begs to be tempted
All that time, doing these things that fail to set my heart to song
And yet all the while, it's these things to me that seem, also, necessary
necessary evils
Evils that lay in the existence of all that is the most human of conditions
What names we may call it by
job, work, security
No matter, my mind tells me necessary
And yet my heart
Caught endlessly between wanting all of my attention
to be free
Free to wander and drift and stray
where ever I want
No matter the time of day, or what day of the day of the week
And yet still
I'm caught
Caught between knowing that that precious time I crave
the time I carefully call free
Is likewise a state for my mind
a way of seeing and feeling and being
That might actually be some part
a crucial part
To that perception of freeness
And yet still
I'm caught
Doing these things
that don't really fill me up
Using the thing I know I'll never get back
That precious, delicate, quiet reminder
Life caught by the un-knowing-ness of time
Haphazardly aching to answer
Which way and by how much
do I spend it?