Meditation on failure

You pen yourself in
And you pray for that feeling
While you wait and you want and stand as still as you can
Hoping that your voluntary stasis will help you hear it
Will help you find it
Will help you will it again

Instead of begging begging begging
To fail
To fail so hard
That that heart that had beated so full and soaked and engorged inside you
Now nearly splits open
At its dry cracking edges
With mealy insides
Beaten up and bruised and soft in all the wrong places
But wildly alive

My dearest heart
You are not here for mirrors and repetition and duplication
Sink deeply into your self 
Into your empowered voice
And your clearest truth 
And your wide open arms

Your outsides may recoil and thicken and wrap walls around you
They may cringe
And forget your insides
Your insides who were made for this
Who were made to fail 

But they need it
And they'll need it again
And again
And again
They need it to be black and blue and bloody
Inhaling risk
And living